Does my kid have OCD?
DISCLAIMER: I am not a licensed counselor. I am speaking today as a mom who has experienced a child with OCD symptoms and anxiety. This is not medical advice. This is mommy talk. If you suspect that your child has OCD, I recommend that you find a good licensed counselor who has experience working with OCD.
OUR STORY: It began when Caiden (our 3rd child) was about 18 months old. He would scream and cry and bang his head against his pack-n-play until it bled - for no apparent reason! It was terrifying. We worked hard at troubleshooting, but the bouts of uncontainable frustration continued. I considered getting him a medical helmet to protect his head. My less-than-stellar pediatrician said he thought Caiden was probably teething and I might buy him a teething ring. (Yeah…I don’t think so, but thanks.) So I dutifully searched and found a pediadontist who would see a child so young. They looked in his mouth and said everything was normal - nothing wrong with his teething situation. But the spells of frustration did not go away.
I remember one evening watching his little self writhe on our bed - completely beside himself with some invisible frustration. I told my husband, “If he is in this much pain we should have him at the emergency room!” We tried to figure out if he was just throwing fits, was he hurting or uncomfortable….nothing made sense. I went to our nutritionist and she said, “Sarah, this is not a discipline issue. This is brain.” She immediately put him on fish oil. And so our brain journey began.
Fast forward through the next few years. Things did not stay quite so intense. We had periods of more peace. But I look back now and see signs when he was very young. He started worrying about germs. He would collapse in a heap of despair if his spoon touched the tablecloth. When he started school, various triggers would arise and send him into uncontrollable anxiety.
I finally called a counselor that specialized in kids. My husband and I went - without Caiden - to learn what we could do. The counselor listened well and quickly gave us tools that got us on the right journey. We never did take him to get a diagnosis, but have learned and grown over the last 13 years or so, and have collected quite a bag of tools.
The first thing the counselor told me to do (over the phone - before our first appointment) was to get him a feelings chart. Identifying and naming the feelings can cut down on the power of the emotions. It helps to objectify things so that you can move towards a place of tolerance.
She also recommended a book called Brain Lock. It’s an intense book, and was a little overwhelming for where we were in the process of my little guy’s life. But I learned a ton about how an OCD brain functions and it was actually pretty life-changing.
Since then, we have read and studied and experimented and collected a lot of tools. And I have learned a lot about my own busy brain in the process. Caiden understands when his brain is stuck in a spiral, and he automatically reaches for some of his tools (explained below.)
A word about medication: We have never put him on medication, but if his symptoms ever become debilitating, we would totally consider medication. There is no point in letting someone suffer with a debilitating, exhausting disorder when there are medications that can quickly and easily bring relief. I understand being slow to start medications (like I said - we haven’t gone that route), but I have seen what happens when people go untreated and try to deal with it alone. It can literally secretly, quietly, control a life in a painful way. So keep your options open. If you would take medicine for heart or kidney disease, why not brain?
A word about hope: One of the things that helped me tremendously early on in this journey is realizing how incredible Caiden’s brain is. I’ll explain how OCD works later, but even some of us who would not be diagnosed with OCD have what I call a “busy brain.” I have talked with so many mamas about their kids that fall into this spectrum, and so many of these kids have an incredibly high capacity for thinking and feeling and creating and sensing. Their capacity can be overwhelming to manage. But what a gift. This is a picture of Caiden (15 yrs old) teaching an elementary class about history. His brain never stops, so he has learned to fill it with things he loves. History is a big one (I learn a lot from him!) and music theory and composing and playing various instruments.
I started realizing when he was very young that he had been given another gift - the opportunity to learn awareness and understanding and tools to manage his own brain and thoughts! Many adults never quite grasp those skills. And I got to watch my brave little guy learn it when he was in grade school!
The fact that you are sitting here reading this means your child has hope. He/she has a parent that is aware and cares and is willing to read long posts and learn about ways to help! Please know that you are probably already doing a lot of right things. I wish I could sit down with you and encourage you to take a deep breath, do the next thing, and to cherish the crazy little brain you are dealing with.
HOW OCD WORKS IN THE BRAIN:
When we sense or wonder if something is “wrong” there are reactions that normally function in the cingulo-opercular network of the brain. If these reactions are functioning properly, when we realize it makes sense to stop thinking or stop doing something, our brain helps us stop thinking or doing the thing. However, in the OCD brain, these functions get “stuck.” Instead of shutting the door on the particular problem, the trap door gets stuck open and the thought gets stuck in a “loop of wrongness.” This wrongness can be the possibility of germs, a mistake a door not locked, something out of order, a decision to be made….it doesn’t matter what the issue is. The problem is, the brain gets unnaturally stuck in the loop. This is the obsession side of OCD. So, the brain figures out ways that give a little bit of temporary relief to the obnoxious loop it is stuck in. Wash the hands. Count the things. Change the shirt. Lock the door. These are the “compulsions.”
But the relief doesn’t last, and the obsessive thought keeps spinning. So the compulsions keep happening. And around and around it goes.
The good news is, this is fixable! Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teaches someone to recognize what is happening and to work heard to stop the loop of thoughts and behaviors. Medication can also be a great relief from the painful loop of wrongness.
ACTION TOOLS: (Keep a virtual backpack of options ready. Different tools work at different times. Don’t expect anything to be magic. Just keep learning together how to manage it.)
Professional Help - These are tools that have helped and are helping us to manage a busy brain. However, if you suspect that you or your child may have OCD, please don’t try to do it all on your own. I strongly recommend that you go to at least one session with a licensed counselor who has experience working with OCD. It’s like going to a heart specialist. They know their stuff and you can make a lot of progress quickly. Even if it costs you $150 out of pocket, you can’t put a price on giving your child the tools they need to manage this stuff. You may have to put your fear and pride on the shelf for a minute and just do the thing. Call someone.
2. Name Feelings - This may seem too elementary or ineffective, but it is proven that naming feelings reduces their power. When I first called a counselor and explained Caiden’s symptoms, the first thing she told me to do was get a feelings chart to help him verbalize what was going on in his little head. And also - this isn’t just for kids. My husband and I spent quite a lot of quality time in marriage counseling working with an emotions wheel (like the one on the pillow below). It now hangs on a hook beside our bed! So don’t delay in teaching your kids to be aware of their emotions. It’s powerful stuff.
Feelings Vocabulary Chart - (Scroll down to the 3rd free download “Feelings Vocabulary Chart”
Feelings magnet - There are so many feelings charts out there. Google “free feelings chart” and go for it. This one is nice because you can keep it on the
fridge where you both always know where it is, and kids can learn to identify and “circle” their emotions on their own.
Feelings Pillow - One of the things that is important to me is finding feelings charts that name a broad enough spectrum of feelings to cover the anxiety that is happening. This pillow is awesome, because it can hang out on a bed or couch and keep the chart easily accessible.
3. Delay Compulsion - There is a saying in neuroscience...”What fires together wires together.” This means that if someone has been actively scared by a clown on a regular basis, there is going to be wiring that connects clowns to fear. If a dog is given a reward when they jump through a hoop, they are going to associate hoops with treats. In OCD, the obsession (germs!) is wired to the compulsion (wash hands for a bit of relief). So one helpful practice can be to purposefully put a space between the obsessive thought and the compulsive action that usually follows. I remember one night Caiden woke up in a panic because he just HAD to change his shirt. In order to put a space between the obsession the the compulsive behavior, we sat in the bathroom and read a book before he was “allowed” to take his shirt off. Another example would be when the obsession is over decision making, and the compulsion becomes the act of worrying in circles, when the obsessive
4. Distraction - Depending on the level of distress your child’s brain is under, sometimes distraction is a great way to deal with a spinning brain. Many of us who would not be diagnosed with OCD know what it is to have a brain that just won’t hush. Things can spiral out of control pretty quickly, especially when we are tired and overwhelmed. Keeping the brain occupied in healthy ways can help. Audiobooks and audio programs have been a really awesome tool for us. (Not just for Caiden - I keep my brain busy with podcasts and audiobooks too!) Other forms of distraction would be going outside for a quick jog around the house to “reset” the brain when it starts to get spinny. Or keeping a list handy of activities that keep the brain occupied can help when your kids starts into a spiral. Sometimes, if you can catch it quick enough, you can reset the nervous system before things get bad. (This is not scientific information here. Believe me, I’ve spent many many hours dealing with a brain that will not be distracted. That’s kindof the point. But this is just a tool.) Changing environments or activities when possible can be helpful.
5. Physical Checklist -
Sleep - Many of us are extremely sensitive to sleep. God designed the brain to de-fragment during REM sleep. If we aren’t getting enough sleep, our brain function suffers. It has been proven scientifically over and over. You can google it. Prioritizing sleep can require some tough decisions, but once you learn to put it firs (even if it means leaving events early or not getting your dishes washed!) can make a huge difference for all the brains in your home.
Screen Time - It is no secret that screen time affects the brain in some pretty intense ways. Building in structure for screens is painful - and constant. It helps to set some clear boundaries for when, what, and how much. If you have to make constant decisions about screentime with whining kids at your feet, it’s very easy to lose that battle. Let the pre-made boundaries make the decisions for you.
Chiropractic Care - Because the nervous system highway is held and protected within the spinal column, if the spine is out of adjustment, things can get pinched in a way that inhibits good neural pathways throughout the body. We noticed improvement in Caiden after the first adjustment! It isn’t hocus pocus or witchcraft. It’s literally moving bones around to make good space for the nervous system.
Vitamins & Nutrients - God designed us so amazingly, and then gave us herbs and plants and vitamins to feed and protect and heal the whole system. Even if you have a good diet, many of us need supplementation in certain areas. A couple of things we use on a regular basis around here are: B-Complex and Magnesium.
Gut Health - The gut is called the “second brain.” There is a powerful connection between the gut and the brain that is referenced clear back to Bible days. Much of our food and medications these days drain our body of healthy gut bacteria that help to maintain a healthy brain. It is pretty easy to supplement probiotics for gut health. Probiotic supplements, fish oil, yogurt, yogurt drinks, kefir (so many flavors), kombucha (we love Health Aid - pink lady apple!), sour kraut, dark chocolate, green olives…there are many things that help us restore and maintain a healthy gut. You don’t have to force-feed gross food….there are so many good options!
Exercise - Good chemicals are produced and released when we exercise. Bonus points if the exercise happens in nature.
Nature - Nature is a natural nerve medicine! A study of the color green reveals - once again - God’s creative genius.
OTHER RESOURCES:
SUMMARY:
Just because your child shows symptoms of repetition, not liking germs, or having favorite routines, it does not mean they necessarily mean they would be diagnosed with OCD! They may be in a brain development stage when they are sorting lots of things out, or they may have a lot of stressful things happening at school and so they control what feels controllable to them, or things may have been extra busy and crazy and they are exhausted and need some quiet days and lots of sleep! However, it is very wise, if the symptoms persist, to at least make a phone call and talk to someone. Don’t make your child hide their compulsions and take them into adulthood with them. Dig around a little and see what you’re dealing with. Then take your backpack full of tools and walk alongside your child, teaching them how to manage their amazing busy brain.
